live blog review: arrested development season 4

episode 1:
cinco de cuatro? already i'm not laughing.this doesnt bode well.

michael cera looks about 30. i wouldnt mind taking a shower with jason bateman.yummy.

i have no idea what is going on, nor do i care.when does will arnett get naked?

eh.who wrote this?is this from the original writers?so disappointed.

da {sads}

eh?

episode 2:
i cant wait to see lucille as hbic of prison. everything else is so blah.get to the good parts!!!!!!

JOHN SLATTERY!!!!yessssssssssss

i would like to watch you make love,john.

dont pull out?ohmygod no

i'm really not liking these episodes.i get that they were trying to save money but the family should interact  more.none of these actors are leads,the show is an ensemble.

needs more slattery.

i keep cutting it off to read blogs.not a good sign.

why is the native wearing speedos?

episode 3:
i am obsessed with lindsay's long lace front wig.the dark roots look nice.

ninja, please.

i need a "hooray tobias" bed in my life.

marky bark?still not laughing.ugh

the dallas show!

i have had a looong vacation from the small screen.it was fun, but now it is time to make some $$$$ while fucking shit up.i have been talking with various producers about my own show.it will be pretty cool, but it will also take a while because i want it to be perfect.

i will be asking various old friends from various shows you love(rock of love, tila tequila, flavor of love,etc) to costar with me. d'you see how good a friend i am? i could easily do this alone, MY show about ME, but it will be an ensemble even though no one has lifted a finger to help me.i could play the martyr but i choose to move forward instead. none of this will be overnight but i just wanted everyone to know what i was doing right now.

i have had pretty positive feedback from the producers & am very excited about what is to come.

the riches

"the riches" is a show about a family of travelers aka gypsies who move into a dead mans house & pretend to be a wealthy family. it stars eddie izzard & minnie driver. i think the premise is amazing, the show is very smart, entertaining, & funny. almost through with the 1st season & only have 1 problem with it. i was enjoying it a lot until they introduced the 1st black female character.

1 she is fat, ghetto, & butt ugly
2 she just got out of jail
3 she is psycho
4 she is a drug addict

eh

really almost disappointed. for real? that's the best we can do, huh? no sexy, smart, sophisticated clair huxtable type. noooooooooo. we have to create latonya jenkins from compton who loves to stab people :-(

i am debating whether or not i even want to continue watching this show

shake,rattle, & rock

"shake,rattle, & rock" is set in the 1950s, a low budget "hairspray" ripoff with howie mandel as corny collins(barf). renee zellweger is almost unrecognizable due to having her original face.

john doe was a greaser(was he in every fifties set movie?),ruth brown(motormouth maybelle) is in it as well,riki rachtman plays eddie cochran.

this movie is such a mess, totally bad but not in a john waters so bad it's good kind of way.i expect someone to walk by in hammer pants or a beeper at any moment.in one scene, you can even see a 1990s bus. :-(

the "rock of love" tranny

now mind you, i was going to save this but y'know the d is pretty messy :-)

remember a while back when M called me bragging that he was about to fuck the black girl from "rock of love" season 2?

............i refuse to look any of this up & i have never seen any of these shows. i have no idea if there was more than 1 negress on the 2nd season.now let's begin........

so i was talking to someone from her hometown(cincinnatti????) & they were like "oh i know TOM well".

hahahahahahahaahahahahaahahaahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"the more you know, the more you grow"

my month of movies part 8

"greg the bunny"-super funny.ahhh, warren the ape,how i could have loved you so!

"wuthering heights"- tom hardy is so hot yet is always trying to cover up the hot.just let it go. take a bath,shave,comb your hair.nothing to be ashamed of! anyhoo, this was a pretty good version.nothing is better than laurence olivier,though

"southern belles"- anna faris in 2 hours of my life wasted....

"i'm still here"- interesting premise & that antony should always be naked.more disturbing than funny

"lady jane"-inaccurate but still entertaining film of the 9 days queen of england

"nana"-made me angry.so lame & the lead girl was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ugly.the whole premise is that she's the best paid, most beautiful prostitute of paris.stole the title from the book but the script sucks. save 2 hours of your life & just read the book by emile zola instead.you'll thank me later

"elvira,mistress of the dark"-one of my favorites as a kid.the best part is her reaction to the newly painted house

"all that jazz"-eh.girl,i guess....

"the hebrew hammer"-cute but could've been shorter

"the garbage pail kids movie"-i was scared as a child.i can't belive this was for children.watch it only for the horrible fashions

have a redneck christmas

khloe is not a kardashian

so kris jenner had an affair & khloe was the result. seems reasonable. khloe doesn't look anything like her sisters.kim has had MAJOR face & body surgery but back in the day, she was twinsies with kourtney(these days none of them look alike).plus kim is lying when she says she is 5'3. she may be 5'3, but only with 4 inch heels on.i met her & towered above her in flats.she was wearing high heels & there was at least a 6 inch difference(i am 5'5)

that is it!!!!

never again will i mention those who will not be named

glitter of hollywood will stay a kardashian free zone, their 15 will soon be up

oh & btw, i would love to comment on 45 year old courtney stodden, her padded bras, horrible pam anderson makeup, & gay husband but g.o.h. is a stodden free zone as well

my month of movies part 7

"party down"-funny & i love adam scott & the blonde cutie ryan hansen.le sigh


"american gigolo"- richard gere was neevr hotter but i could've done without the murder plot.more sexy times & finally found out where "help me.help me please" came from


"paper moon"- tatum & ryan o'neal in a pitch perfect story of the depression.tatum is amazing & ryan gorgeous


"the naked civil servant"-hated the books by quentin crisp,loved the movie.


"the donner party"- crispin glover being creepy as usual.true story of cannibalism, though i would've liked a little more of what happened afterward


"the man with two brains"-meet the woman who wasted 2 hours of her life on this unfunny shit. starring steve martin,directed by rob reiner


"following sean"-hippy documentary about a hippie child grown up.i was truly disappointed,no drama, no nothing


"mary queen of scots"-pretty interesting stuff.loved glenda jackson & someone should be shot for making pierce brosnan an albino monkey

is Tyler Perry a sellout?

this week tyler perry got some type of award from rev. al sharpton & was all "i represent all black people.blahblahblah. we should focus on being ourselves, not on getting an education, blahblahblah".

eh

mind you, i have only seen 1 tyler perry movie all the way through without changing the channel: "madea goes to jail". it was funny, yes. it was mind numbingly stupid, yes. did it represent me, no. would i pay to see any of his other films? no

i also tried to watch his tv show "house of pain" but that left me with a migraine. all yelling, bad over acting, & jokes written by 9 year olds.

the problem is not with tyler perry(though he should come out of the closet & stop playing).i admire the fact that he can make millions of dollars with the horrible movies he makes.my problem is that he is really the only black man with power in hollywood & instead of making art, he is making paper(as the kids would say). all i see is bad portrayals of black people. we are ghetto, we are illiterate, we are gangsters,we are angry, we are whores, etc. it would be nice if at least our own people would make great positive films showing us as we really are: complex but people the same as anyone else.

how about making a scifi movie with an all black cast?or a historical movie with an all black cast that is NOT set in the civil war?or a dramatic movie with an all black cast that doesn't have basketball in it? how about having a tv show like "the cosby show" with positive black role models on it? how about a movie about our first black president?

?

my head hurts & time for my nap.just something for us all to think about

my month of movies part 4

"Heidi Fleiss: Hollywood Madam"- documentary showing her rise & fall.i give it 3 thumbs up.way up

"Feast of Death: James Ellroy"-recycled stories heard many times before.i HATE the way he talks, irks me to no end!

"Capturing the Friedmans"- sad documentary about a child molesting son & dad

"Flynn"- shitty Austrailian tv movie about Errol Flynn starring the edible Guy Pierce. ends where a movie about Flynn should begin, when he gets to Hollywood

"The Virgin Suicides "- the white "Boyz in the Hood"? a film about how hard it is being white & affluent- gag

"Wigstock: The Movie"- drag queens singing & dancing, Alexis Arquette nice n naked, Candis Cayne before the surgery, RuPaul when he was supermodel of the world

"Darling"- i am SO not a fan of Julie Christie but i loved this movie. so mod, so fab, plus the sexiest man of the sixties Laurence Harvey

"mad men", i love you!

ok, so y'know i have no tv

very intrigued about the show "mad men",so i am in the middle of watching the entire series.on episode 6, season 3.

claude hammercy!!!

i damn near died.

this is all making me miss "homefront" from the 1990s(sammy was my girl,yo).lol

your bff,
Dallas Slattery

it's on!

"sex & the city" is coming back to television!!!!!!

now i might have to buy one

my month of movies part 3

"The Knack...and How to Get It "- call me killjoy but i dont find rape funny. at all. plus who would want to fuck Rita Tushingham who was the original face like a foot girl?

"Madonna: Sticky & Sweet Tour "-proving that 30 years later, Madonna is STILL the baddest bitch

"The Apple"- the Roger Daltrey wannabe damn near killed me. other than that, i found it pretty groovy(plus how can you lose when you can tell it was originally written in German?)

"Girl 27 "-true story of Patricia Douglas who was raped by an executive & the scandal was covered up by MGM

"Beat"- best role to date for Courtney Love(after losing out on Nancy Spungen in "Sid n Nancy"). true story of Joan Vollmer playing william tell with William Burroughs & ending with a bullet in her skull

who shot j.r. game proper

i dont know if i even care about "dallas" being on the air again.i wasnt alive the 1st time around & this time there are no exciting actors.it's all "desperate housewives" rejects & old people.lol

i wouldnt pay to see jordana brewster & i wouldnt watch her for free, either

i'd rather have "dynasty 2011" with the original head bitch joan collins(in 1980s attire,thank you very much).this "dallas" shit sounds boring

back to texting millionaire admirers

xoxo
the d

my month of movies part deux!

"Entertaining Mr. Sloane"- weird, a bit dated, brother & sister marry the same man. plus Georgie Fame sings the theme song

"Poor White Trash"- the title was better than the movie. Jaime Presley looked hot, though

"American Mullet"- documentary about idiots who still have schlongs

"Wild at Heart "- easily the best David Lynch movie that i have seen. set back when Laura Dern & Nicholas Cage was sexy

"New York Dolls: All Dolled Up"- le sigh, Johnny Thunders, so dreamy....

"The Wild and Wonderful Whites "-documentary about Appalacian tap dancing white trash featuring Hank the Third

"Boxcar Bertha "-hippies pretending that it's the 1930s in a Roger Corman flick

"Summer and Smoke"- Laurence Harvey gorgeous & in color, driving all the girls wild

fear factor

i was thinking about the show "fear factor" yesterday & today a casting director asks me to audition for the new show. of course, my answer is no.i am not athletic, nor do i enjoy putting weird things in my mouth(despite what the rumors say.lol). i do wonder who will the host be.

was supposed to do the lenny kravitz music video today but i was too tired. i would love to meet lenny but it will have to wait until i am in the mood, i guess.

my month of movies

so i have to watch 140 movies in 30 days(don't ask)

John Waters: This Filthy World - entertaining,though these are all the same stories he tells on the dvd director commentary things

Cry-Baby - disappointing. Johnny Depp has 4 different guys singing his part & Amy Locane is as exciting as dishwater. Traci Lords would've been perfect in "A Dirty Shame"

Pie in the Sky: The Brigid Berlin Story - interesting

Crazy Love - girl dumps boy,boy blinds girl,girl marries boy, boy cheats on her. sad,fucked up true story

Tarnation - turned it off in the first 5 minutes. seemed too staged plus boring. maybe i'll try again later

CSA: Confederate States of America - should be shown in every u.s. high school. super funny commercials until you get to the end :-( 7 thumbs up!

Savage Grace - Julianne Moore is like the new Bette Davis, she can do anything. Eddie Redmayne will be the future father of my children(just so you know).

Storyville: The Naked Dance - very hard to make Storyville or New Orleans boring. my only complaint was the ignorant blond african talking head. seemed like they just cast her because of her hair color.

The Happy Hooker - Vanessa Redgrave as sexy(girl, i guess!). bizarre to say the least, not even campy enough to be entertaining

Butterfly - Pia Zadora pouting,running barefoot,fucking her dad, & needing a bra for 2 hours

The Christine Jorgensen Story - Christine was on set & i guess that is why it turned out so horrible. dry, boring, & full of lies(she was never the first sex change). the tacked on love story made me want to gag & the lead actor/actress was miscast

Party Girl - super cute & Parker Posey should be a bigger star.one of the best movies i've seen in a long time

Kathy Griffin: She'll Cut a Bitch - funny.ok

Women in Revolt - Andy Warhol's Candy Darling(doing her best Marilyn Monroe impression), Jackie Curtis(boring), & Holly Woodlawn(wtf)

Super Size Me -very interesting stuff, though it made me hungry for some fast food.

Howard the Duck -raunchy,creepy duck puppet/midget tries to fuck Lea Thompson.the end.

Valley of the Dolls- i guess my expectations were way too high. Sharon Tate looked horrible, her makeup was way too washed out, the songs were terrible, the acting laughable. Patty Duke's part should have been WAY bigger...

some thoughts on big love

so i finally saw the show "Big Love", really good & sorry i missed the entire run.now mind you, i grew up among Mormons(though i will keep all the stories to myself for now)

#1 Christian Campbell is beyond good looking, like so hot that he becomes disgusting....

#2 why would anybody marry Chloe Sevigny?

#3 i love the fact that you would NEVER see a black polygamist(sp?). because black men dont marry or because black women are too smart for that shit(your guess is as good as mine)

#4 the pastel dresses KILL me. plus i will always be a fan of the big hair. i get tnat the dresses are supposed to be circa 1890s but why so drab?you can be conservative & still be flattering....

#5 the fact that they were pissed when someone said they were in a cult.lmfao. & when someone said that the women were only in a poly marriage because that was the only way they could get a man

"Born into Brothels"

just saw "Born into Brothels" for the first time.i cried throughout, so sad. really scary how in India you have no control over your life. your mom was a prostitute, so YOU are a prostitute. at least here, there is a semblance of choice in such things. i hope there is a follow up later like the documentary "Seven Up".