The Concert Tonight

i woke up at 4pm today. got a message from M, an invite to his concert tonight. it's a bit suspicious, especially since i JUST wrote a blog about stuff like this. i've known him for almost a decade & this is the first concert invite.i would like to see him perform but i'm 97% sure that i will not go

it would be amazing if i showed up in a fabulous outfit, the most beautiful girl in the room & stealing all the spotlight (as i am fond of doing) but it's not even worth it.
everything he does these days is like a slap to the face.i like drama but it really should not be this hard to be friends with someone. everything should not be a debate.

yes, it was hard for me to kill our baby. yes, if he asked me tomorrow to marry him, i would. i am a sucker for guyliner, tight pants, & a pair of dead grey eyes. i have enough to worry about with "Elvis", VH1, & not cracking up.

i had a dream a while ago about being at M's concert. he placed me on top of the speaker on the side of the stage (just like Pamela DesBarres & Jimmie Page).he played his guitar, looking at me every once in a while, dedicating silly romantic ballads to me.it was nice, but just a dream that will never ever happen. in order to do such a thing HE would have to have a heart (lmfao). i have more of a chance doing that with "Elvis" (who swore that we would only meet again in Hell).
M said that i was prettier than the 2 girls he married. funny how i get at least 20 compliments when i leave the house. i try not to leave the house anymore. what is the point? watching "Family Guy" while typing this & Stewie is singing "Suicide is Painless". how incredibly appropriate at this time.

back to the original point. i will not be seeing M tonight as much as i would like to. he is hollow inside like i am finally. it's come to a point where it isn't even depression. question: what is past depression? answer: me