Letter to M

Dear M,
I've decided to post this letter to you in a public forum. I know that you do not read my blog, so I will not spare any thought or feeling I'm having right now (plus it's cheaper to say it here than to a therapist).

I am disappointed in you but I am not surprised about today/tonight. That's why I asked you all those questions last night. I was quite serious. I can leave you alone, delete your number from my phone for a second time, & be done with it. Forever. But you said no & I thought "Good, a new beginning". Though it is the same old sh*t again & again.

Do I really care if you spend every nonworking hour with your friends? No. I'm not even jealous. Do I care that you're at a bar with the new black girl from "Rock of Love 2"? Somewhat, though no one can replace me. I don't need you, I want you & there is a big difference.

I'm going to try to let this be the last time I talk or think about you. I love pain/tragedy/drama but it's just too much over something that should not have even lasted this long. We've seen each other twice in how many years? eh. I can't spend my life waitng for when you decide you will be "Mr Dallas". I'm sorry that I ask more than you can give (like compassion, monogamy, or loyalty). I'm sorry that I cried when we were in bed because you said you were f*cking some random girl on my birthday instead of being with me. I'm sorry I cared at all.
I thought because you searched for me that it meant something.

I was wrong.

But don't worry, I am NOT heartbroken about you & our fake friendship. You were SOOOOOOOOOOO right when you said we were never meant to be together. It hurt at the time but I will be quite alright by tomorrow.

Thanks for the most boring chapter in my future book,
Dallas Monroe Harrison the first